Enduring what is Unbearable
by word.oracle
Summary: It's not a nightmare. It's not a lie. It's not an alternate reality. Alexander Lightwood is dead. Magnus knew he wouldn't be prepared, but he thought he'd at least have sixty years with him. His death was so sudden and how is Magnus meant to raise two children alone when he's a complete mess. This is a breakdown that could lead to his death. Tell me if you worked out the twist!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Magnus wanted to be alone. He hung up his navy suit jacket, took off his formal shoes and lay down on the couch that had three black cushions on it. Around him felt empty despite all the furniture and he was shivering as he tried to get comfortable on the warm couch. He moved one cushion under his head, then two under his head, then two under his feet and one under his head, but he ended up getting frustrated and throwing them at the side lamp which broke once it hit the floor. Usually, he'd fix it straight away, but he had no energy and it was him that needed repairing. His once golden brown skin had been a pale off colour for a while, he had had a slightly off-putting odour for weeks until his shower that morning, his hair had become a greasy mess, his lips were chapped and he had become painfully thin. It had gotten to the point where Magnus covered anything that had a reflection. It was fair to say that he looked horrible, but he felt a thousand times worse. He had become so numb that he couldn't laugh at what used to put him on the floor in stitches, he couldn't react to people's support, and he couldn't even get scared at some of the most terrifying horror movies. Jumping off a bridge, making himself bleed out and drowning himself in the ocean were all things that stampeded through his mind. He had thrown himself in front of a large truck, but he got back up and his bones and flesh repaired themselves while his mind and heart became even more destroyed. This had to end soon. It just had to. He covered his face with a pillow to stop any light from even touching his face and he soon heard keys jingle in the door which made him bolt up straight.

"Magnus?" a soft voice asked as they creaked open the door.

Magnus lay back down upon realizing that it was only Tessa. A single tear fell from the corner of his eye and it was swiftly followed by thousands more. He squeezed the pillows, holding them into his chest and inhaling the scent of them. That scent drove him crazy as it only made the tears cascade from his eyes more rapidly. That scent was Alexander Lightwoods'. Magnus started to cry so much that he was struggling to breathe.

"Magnus please," Tessa begged, "calm down,"

"How? Tell me fucking how when he's-" Magnus chest began to tighten, "he's dead."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Tessa, Jem and Catarina insisted on taking care of Magnus when Alec died, but Magnus was beyond being a mess. He lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling and allowing tears to dry on his face. He refused to lie on Alec's side of the bed; he lay resting on his side like when he used to watch Alec sleep until his arm went too numb to cope with. Lying on his back made him feel cold and incomplete as Alec should've had his hand on Magnus's chest and his nose gently pressed against his cheek. It had become so near to impossible for Magnus to sleep that Catarina stopped by every night with a remedy that made him sleep for at least eight hours. However, his body may have had time to relax, but his wreck of a mind didn't. He partially feared sleeping because of the nightmares he'd have of Alec's death, but he also wanted to sleep as his dreams were the only places where he could see him, hold him and kiss him.

"Catarina said she'll be late today," Tessa came in with a hot drink.

Magnus replied with silence.

Slowly, Tessa placed the hot mug on the bedside table and sat on the bed. Magnus didn't have to look at her to know that there was sympathy and worry coating her face and looking at her would've made him breakdown again. He felt like a burden that Tessa was looking after out of the kindness of her heart, but she was one of the only people that he'd allow to see him like this.

"I made you something that will help with your nightmares. Catarina said to give it to you before your sleeping remedy," Tessa smiled nervously and waited, but Magnus didn't move.

He wasn't even sure if he had heard everything she had said. His mind was in a constant loop of replaying everything that Alec had ever done or said, every date they went one, every kiss, every time they had saved each other's lives, apart from that one time.

Tessa stroked his cheek, "Magnus, sit up."

It took a great amount of energy, but eventually, Magnus sat up like a zombie with limp arms, a slouched back and his head looking down. Tessa was wearing white jeans with flowers down the sides, a blue t-shirt tucked into them and an oversized silk shirt that must've been Jem's. She was the only colour and the only thing that brightened up the room as Magnus has requested for no one to turn on the lights. She handed him the mug, steadied his shaking hands around it and then sat behind him.

"You need a haircut," she said softly.

Magnus sipped the hot aromatic liquid. The fumes entered his nose before the liquid even hit his tongue and it tasted slightly sweet and earthy as it smoothly slid down his throat. It gave him a warm feeling which he now never felt and he knew it would only last if he kept drinking. He felt Tessa's hands run through his hair gently which made him close his eyes, allowing images of Alec to run through his head. He thought of their first date, how it went from being awkward and sweet to being heated and ending up with Alec falling down the stairs with a hickey on his neck. Before the images consumed him, he urgently put the mug down and got off the bed. When he looked back at Tessa, she looked confused and worried that she had done something wrong.

"A-A-Alec," he began but couldn't finish.

Tessa swiftly got up and held Magnus in her arms as he burst into tears that dampened her shirt. He squeezed her shirt with the pain of being able to remember everything so vividly and perfectly in his mind.

"You'll be okay," she assured him.

Magnus shook his head as he attempted to find words, but nothing would come out of his mouth. He pushed himself away from Tessa, went back to his bed and gave her the empty mug as tears splashed onto his silk sheets.

She walked to the door and looked back, "You _will_ be okay," she said before leaving the room.

There was no way in hell that Magnus would be okay. He didn't even know how he was still breathing. He asked for Tessa and Jem to take Rafael and Max while he mourned, as he didn't want to scar them with the site of him breaking down and morphing into a mess. Food became something that his body didn't recognise to the point where even looking at a piece of toast made him feel close to throwing up, he was either drunk or a sober wreck and he had forgotten what day and month it was. All he was sure of was that it had been ten days since Alec was killed. Ten agonising, heartbreaking days. He let out a desperate cry which made everything in his room shake before squeezing the pillow that Alec should've had his head rested on.

"Please come back, please," he begged over and over again through his tears.

But he knew he wasn't coming back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The midnight sky was encrusted with twinkling pure white gems, there was a soft cool breeze that complimented the slight heat, fireflies gracefully danced which made the grass and towering trees visible and the sound of crickets and the occasional owl made natures siege of the senses a victory. Floating above a circular patch of grass surrounded by trees was Magnus. He allowed himself to tilt forward so that he could easily see through one of the small gaps between each tree. Through it, he could see Alec. He stood in a thin white shirt which allowed his runes to faintly show, his hair was a mess, his skin was porcelain perfection and his eyes shone like the moon. Magnus slid his arm between the gap and reached out to Alec while calling his name, but Alec was too far away. He looked so majestic as if he was a fallen angel. Magnus called his name desperately again. This time, Alec ran to him, grabbed his hand and made a smile that said all that Magnus need to hear. Together, they pushed apart the trees and Magnus was able to stand on the ground and hold Alec. He was cold in his arms but he put warmth in Magnus and the fireflies swirled around them as their lips touches and Alec wrapped his arms around him. Alec's lips were tantalizingly soft, when he ran his fingers underneath Magnus's top, he let them send shivers down his spine by tracing it slowly and Magnus soon became lost in every kiss. Alec pulled away to stroke Magnus's cheek and as he did, Magnus noticed the trees group up close together, the grass turn black and the sky morph into a dark blood red. When he looked back at Alec, a blood stain began to grow over his chest, the blood poured down his white shirt and dropped onto his bare feet and slashes began to occur over his runes with blood trickling from them. Magnus knew that Alec was going to fall, but as he put his arms out to catch him, something lifted him from the ground and pulled him away with great force. Magnus protested by kicking, yelling Alec's name and begging as tears rolled down his face, but it was hopeless. Once he fell, Alec became devoured by the ground. Why couldn't Magnus save him?

Magnus woke up with sweat drizzling down from almost every inch of his body, tears seeped from his eyes and he was out of breath as if he had been running the whole night. He had kicked off the covers, there were marks from where he had squeezed Alec's pillow, pieces of shattered glass covered parts of the floor and the draws of his dresser were on the floor with the clothes spilling out of them. His heart was racing in his chest as if it was desperate to evacuate his body and he felt quite dizzy as he tried to restore his breathing and wipe away most of the sweat. Catarina peeped through the door. She had obviously just woken up upon hearing the chaos that went on in the bedroom as Magnus slept.

"You slept for ten hours this time, but your bad dream made you do this" she said quietly.

She simply waved her hand and all the mess went back to being glasses, light bulbs and a full dresser with perfectly folded clothes. Magnus was surprised to see Catarina as she should've been at work. Usually, she'd stay the night and before she left in the morning, she'd leave Magnus something to do to stop his mind from destroying itself. Instead of saying anything, he tilted his head to ask why she was still there.

"They're forcing me to take two days off work. I told them that you need me."

It wasn't that he just needed her; it was that he wanted her there. Being alone made his mood plummet, he'd end up on the floor of his shower in a state or on the living room floor with empty bottles of every spirit possible around him. At least when people constantly came over, his mind would be taken off of Alec a little bit. Catarina held out Magnus's black silk robe, but he just looked at it with the images of his dream replaying in his head like a sinister recording. She shook it in front of him, but he still didn't move. He wasn't even sure if he was blinking.

"Magnus, get up," Catarina said.

Magnus looked up at her face. She was probably the only person whose face wasn't full with pity; she looked like a parent whose child was going through a lot, but she knew that tough love would have to be used at certain times. Magnus hated having to move, but Catarina was having none of it. Against his will, she swirled her hand, creating a green wave of light that lifted Magnus off of his bed and made him stand up straight. He took his robe and put it on slowly.

"Breakfast is waiting for you. I took the liberty to not give you so much this time."

They walked into the living room where Magnus robotically sat on the sofa and looked at his steaming bowl of porridge on the coffee table. Catarina had done it the only way he would eat it: with blueberries, strawberries, a good amount of sugar and orange juice on the side. It looked great, but it made Magnus feel sick. He looked next to the bowl, hoping to see another one with less sugar on top, more fruit and a cup of hot coffee next to it, but there were only magazines. Magnus pushed the magazines aside, making way for another person and stared at the space. He could feel Catarina watching him from behind as he begged to hear Alec lecture him about the amount of sugar he had on his food and yearned for the smell of fresh coffee. But there was nothing.

No one.

Magnus made a whimper and cried with his eyes still fixated on the empty space. As he rocked back and forth and dug his nails into his arms, he felt Catarina's arms wrap around him from behind. It wasn't fair. The only arms that he wanted around him were Alec's or death taking him out of his misery. He violently pushed Catarina's arms off of him, picked up the bowl of porridge and smashed it on the table, he threw the glass of orange juice against the wall, tore the magazines in half, kicked the coffee table until one of the legs came off and then threw it at the wall. When he turned around, he saw Catarina stare at him with slight fear, but still with sympathy in her eyes. He didn't know why on earth she was still standing there when he obviously was a lost case. He looked at the mess he had caused. Alec would've had a go at him, telling him that he hadn't agreed to live in a tip, ordering him to fix everything and then to make him a cup of coffee after all the cleaning. Magnus dropped to his knees and started to pick up the pieces of the broken bowl and broken glass. Hot porridge stuck to his bare legs and his hands shook wildly, making the pieces cut his hand, but he didn't care about how much blood dropped on the floor as long as he got the place clean for Alec. He hated disappointing him, the face Alec would make was the only thing that would make Magnus feel close to failure and he'd feel compelled to do something spectacular to make Alec smile. Maybe if he cleaned the apartment and gave it a face lift, Alec wouldn't get mad, or maybe he'd make him a mug of coffee for when he came home.

"Magnus-" Catarina sighed,

"I need to clean it all up for Alec. He'll get mad, I can't let him get mad, he'll be home soon," Magnus said quickly with a trembling voice.

He got up, hurried over to the bin and put the shards in it. His blood had created a trail on the floor- something else that would worry Alec. Magnus took several pieces of tissue paper and began trying to get the blood off the floor.

"He can't see the place like this, he can't, he'll get mad, I hate it when he's mad, he hates mess and he hates having to clean up after me. I'm sorry Alec, I'm so sorry, I'm cleaning it up now, I'll make you coffee as well, I'll even get us a takeaway and we'll go anywhere you want, we'll watch movies in bed, I'll get you that top you liked, I'll remake the bed soon, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry."

Magnus dropped the tissues and allowed his despair to consume him. The tears joined his blood that still hit the floor and Catarina knelt into front of him, took his hands and healed them. She tried to put his arms around him but he protested.

He only wanted Alec.

Nobody else.

Just Alec.

Eventually he gave in, he lost all energy and she put her arms around him. He could feel every part of his body shaking as he looked over her shoulder and at his blood on the floor. He didn't even feel any pain in his hands. He was quickly descending into a pit of anguish, despair and misery and he wasn't sure if would ever get out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

For the first time in ages, Magnus was inspired to look presentable as he agreed to go out with Max, Rafael and Tessa. They would've stayed in the apartment, but it was a wreck, so Jem suggested that he clean it while they were out. Tessa had cut his hair and picked his clothes while Magnus shaved, had a very long shower and brushed his teeth. It was a challenge to even get out of bed in the morning; however it was worth it if it meant holding his sons again. Though he had been grieving, he hadn't forgotten Max or Rafael and he needed to hold them again. He walked into the living room in a long sleeved oversized top and jeans to see Tessa on the couch with a proud smile on her face, while Jem was scrubbing porridge off of the wall.

"I give birth, you clean," she laughed,

"I don't they're equal," Jem protested,

"Then you'll clean more."

Magnus coughed to alert them of his presence and the jolly couple smiled at him in return.

"Let's go," Tessa said as she grabbed Magnus's hand.

It was hot outside, but a cool breeze was able to give relief and the sky was blue with patches of white slowly drifting through it, but it couldn't cure Magnus's mood. He and Tessa had arranged to meet Izzy with Max and Rafael at 2pm, but she was now ten minutes late, making Magnus worry that his own children didn't want to see him. Thankfully, fifteen minutes late, he heard a very familiar voice call his name.

"PAPA!" Max ran to him,

"Hey little man," Magnus made his first genuine smile as he picked Max up and held him tight.

Holding Max seemed to take away some of the sadness that had built up in his heart and when Rafael hugged his legs, a tear of happiness fell from his eye. It was the first time he felt loved in a while. He put Max down and knelt to their level. Max seemed taller, but he wasn't sure if it was just his horns growing, while Rafael had become more mature. All this change in only a week and without Magnus to witness it.

"When can we come home?" Max asked,

"Yeah, I miss my room and books," Rafael looked into his father's eyes,

"Soon," Magnus replied without being certain of his answer.

When he looked at Isabelle, there was no smile on her face, her eyes were red from little sleep and she was clearly worried. Obviously Magnus's attempt to look fine hadn't worked.

Magnus stood up, "How about you pick a place for us to sit with Aunty Tessa,"

"Why don't you come with us?" Max asked sweetly,

"Because he wants to speak to Aunt Izz in private, stupid," Rafael answered as he pulled his brother away.

When it was just them, Izzy stared at Magnus as she tried to find the right words, whereas he knew that he didn't have any. They hadn't seen or spoken to each other since the funeral and he knew that seeing him like this would be a shock. He tapped his foot and looked down at the ground with his hands in his pockets. What was he meant to say? Even 'hello' and 'how are you coping' seemed to be the wrong words to utter and he had gotten used to crying and a mere nod being his forms of communication. It felt like a hug would be very much inappropriate. By looking at Izzy, he felt tears burn in his eyes and his jaw tighten as he attempted not to cry. He could see Alec in every feature Izzy had and it was beginning to torture him.

"We miss you," were Isabelle's first words.

Magnus nodded slowly in reply.

"You should come over for dinner; I won't cook."

This time he shrugged.

"Are you okay?"

No. No he wasn't okay. His entire being was in self-destruct mode and he was disintegrating both inside and out. What was the point of living when you already felt like death? What was the point of breathing when whether it rained or shined or was hot or cold made no difference to the constant torturing depression you felt? But Magnus nodded instead, "I'm okay."

"Good. There's some of Alec's stuff that he wanted you to have. You can come pick it up whenever you want, but there's no rush," as Izzy got through her sentence, it became clear that she was getting closer to crying.

"I'll erm, be over at some point, thanks," Magnus said monotonically before waving and making his way to his children.

The boys had chosen to put the picnic blanket in a spot half in and half out of the sun. Max was failing at trying to stay still while Tessa did his laces up and Rafe was kicking the football around. It had become innate for Magnus to imagine what every scene would be like if Alec was there, and in this case, he'd be challenging Max to do up his own laces, showing off with the ball and lecturing the boys on safe play and stranger danger and all at once. It was a struggle to hold the tears back as Magnus saw that perfect image in his head, but he found a way to push them back once he approached Rafael.

"Will you play with us?" Rafael asked with a concerned face,

"Of course," Magnus replied.

When he played with his sons, Magnus smiled the whole time as if someone had injected life back into him and he had more than enough energy to play various games for over two hours. However, now and again he'd remember something Alec would do- like not allow cheating or tickle Rafe until he gave up the ball- and his energy would reduce, a knot would appear in his throat and he'd have to take a minute out so he could go back to being fun papa mode.

"Can we come home today?" Max pestered,

"I need to sort things out first and then you can come back. Okay?" Magnus said.

There was way too much traffic for them to take a taxi to Tessa's, so they walked with Magnus holding Rafael's hand and Max Holding Tessa's hand. Max should've been holding his dad's hand instead.

"Can we get another kitty?" Max sang,

"What would we name it?" Rafael started to get excited,

"Hugo; it's a funny name,"

"I want it to be called Javier,"

"That's a stupid name,"

"It's a cat; it doesn't care about its name."

Magnus had missed the random yet amusing conversations Max and Rafael had. He would've loved for them to come home, but he knew he wasn't stable enough to look after them without having to come up with excuses for why he was crying or not being the father they deserved. He knew Alec would've only wanted the best for them and Magnus was far from it.

"Papa?" Max was full of questions,

"What is it, oh blue one?" Magnus picked him up as they approached Tessa's house,

"Isn't that one of dad's tops?"

Magnus froze upon realizing that out of him and Alec, Alec was the only one who owned a plain, grey and long-sleeved top and Magnus refused to own one. Alec's scent began to radiate off of the top and fill his nose as well as starting to make his skin itch as tears arose, but this time he couldn't stop them from falling.

"I'm sorry Papa, don't cry," Max said softly as he wiped away each individual tear with his delicate hands,

"It's not your fault, it's just…" Magnus tried to stop crying, but it wasn't working.

Rafael put his arms around Magnus's legs and squeezed them as he began to weep. It broke Magnus's heart over and over again to witness his sons crying and it was the first time that all three of them had cried together.

"We miss dad too," Rafael sniffed,

"And he misses us," Max added with slight optimism in his voice.

Tessa convinced Magnus that it was only right that he stayed to tuck the boys in, read them a story and then sing a Spanish lullaby.

Once he got home, Magnus quickly but carefully took off the top that was once his husband's, placed it on the bed and looked at it. How could he have not noticed that it was Alexander's? There were creases at the bottom of it, a coffee stain on the sleeve and there were holes in the neckline. Only Alec would've kept this. Magnus ran his hand down the front of the top as if Alec was wearing it and imagined the feeling of his collar bones, the smoothness of his chest and the definition of his stomach. He did this several times until he began to imagine a damp spot where Alec's chest would be and a dent as if there was a hole there. It wasn't real, yet as Magnus dissolved in tears, he could still perfectly remember the feeling of Alec's body when he died.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Magnus was getting worse. He had decided that there was no point of getting out of bed for three days straight and the only thing that entered his system was alcohol. At first, it would be cocktails, but he then lost all motivation to even get a glass and ended up drinking everything straight from the bottle. He hated the smell of his own breath, but alcohol made living just that bit easier.

"Magnus, get up," Tessa commanded.

He could only reply with groans as he sat up in bed and felt the full force of his hangover. There was an empty bottle of scotch on the bed and an empty bottle of white wine on the floor. Tessa stood at the foot of the bed holding the rest of the remains from Magnus's binge and she looked far from happy.

"Isabelle, Jace and Clary are coming over," she said.

Magnus sighed.

It was as if someone had both a knife and a hammer and was using them to destroy his head with pain, there was a surge of agony whenever he blinked or his eyes moved and getting up was just going to make it worse. Visitors were out of the question.

"Magnus you have to do this, you have to get ready,"

"No," he tried to go back to sleep, but Tessa was having none of it and pulled the covers off of him,"

"Now, Magnus."

Magnus looked at her. He didn't want to get up; he saw no reason to. He slowly slid out of bed and put his robe on.

"You can't keep doing this; you'll-"

"Kill myself?" Magnus interrupted, "well unfortunately, no matter how much I want to, I can't do that, can I Tessa? So I think you'll find that I can do this for as long as I wish."

This was the first time Magnus had said more than a handful of words to Tessa and though it was just two sentences, the words seemed to hit Tessa harder than if he had punched her in the stomach. Her eyes glistened as a few tears emerged.

"You don't mean that," she said quietly.

Magnus went back to silence as he threw the first clean clothes he found onto the bed and got into the shower. He didn't mean to hurt Tessa, he knew the words he had said were words she never wanted to hear and especially not from him. But she had to understand that being immortal and in love with someone you could lose in an instant was the most difficult thing and once you lost them, it felt impossible to function. The hot water of the shower on his body felt uncomfortable at first, but the water became irrelevant when he saw Alec's shower scrunchy. As a joke, Max had bought him a pink one, but Alec insisted on using it and when they had a bath together, Max made the scrunchy levitate for the first time towards his dad. Such a mundane thing contained memories that Magnus would never have the chance to relive. His trembling hand reached for it, but he only had enough strength to brush his fingertips over it as tears crawled down his cheeks.

When he had got dressed, Jace, Izzy and Clary were already sitting in the living room with Tessa entertaining them with her past. Knowing that they couldn't see him as he peaked through the slight gap of his door gave him the chance to put on the mask of being okay as well as to think of what to say. He eventually sighed and walked into the living room behind the sofa Izzy and Clary were sat on. It was when Tessa stopped talking and Jace's gaze set on Magnus that Izzy and Clary turned and looked up at him with pity. He was sick of those constant looks that made him feel helpless and realize how much of a mess he really was. He had gone from being the mood setter to the mood killer and he had made his piece with it.

"Hi Magnus," Clary said with a cautious voice,

"Hi," Magnus smiled.

His smile was convincing enough to make Clary smile back and make space on the couch for him to sit down. Once he sat down, he noticed that Jace's skin had lost colour and the dullness in what were once his golden eyes- scars from losing his parabatai. The atmosphere changed slightly within fifteen minutes and they went to having a pleasant conversation about what they had all been doing.

"Simon's become a proper Shadowhunter," Isabelle said proudly,

"Apart from the fact that he doesn't like wearing all black," Jace commented,

"Have you ever thought of just throwing black paint on him?" Magnus suggested,

"Not until now,"

"Please don't encourage him," Izzy begged.

Everything was going swimmingly. Magnus was laughing and joking around with them to the point where he not even he could tell if he was putting on a show or not. When Isabelle poured herself some coffee, instead of feeling sick and wanting to cry because of the smell, Magnus was completely unchanged by it. He thought that nothing could possibly make his mood plummet at this point.

"Erm, Magnus, this won't be easy," Isabelle started.

A sickening feeling came over Magnus as he watched Jace put a box on the table with the label 'Alec for Magnus'. He was about to ask what the box was for, but he already knew the answer, he just never thought that the day would come. He had spent every second begging for Alec to come through the door, make a cup of coffee and then explain why he was gone for so long; seeing this box was confirmation that Magnus's wish couldn't come true. Izzy slowly went to hold his hand as she knew how hard this was for him, but he quickly moved his hand away as he focussed on the words 'Alec for Magnus'. The words repeated in his head and were then accompanied by the vows Alec had made.

' _I will never do anything to hurt you and I could never leave you. Even when I'm gone, I will be there for you until the end, I promise.'_

'Alec for Magnus'. Those were Alec's words that Magnus knew off by heart and had imprinted on his brain. The promise stormed through his mind and it took him several minutes until he realized that Isabelle was saying his name.

"He wanted all this to be for you," Jace said as he handed Magnus the box.

Slowly, he opened it and took out the first item that lay on top of everything else as if being the only thing that mattered. Alexander's bow and arrow. Magnus's hands shook as he placed them where Alec would've placed his. Tear flowed like a river down his cheeks. In his ear he heard a gasp come from Jace and Izzy and when he looked up, through his blurry sight, he saw slight anger in Jace's face.

"What is it?" Clary asked on Magnus's behalf,

"It's just," Jace fought back tears, "I thought, of all people, he'd leave that for me."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Magnus couldn't believe the words that had leaked from Jace's mouth. Why wasn't Magnus- Alexander's husband- allowed the bow and arrow? His eyes burned as he glared at him in frustration. Magnus didn't complain when he gave Jace Alec's favourite leather jacket at the funeral, because he respected Alec's wishes. His grip tightened around the bow.

"I understand that you are his parabatai and you fought together, but there is no way in hell that you're getting this," Magnus explained angrily,

"Magnus!" Isabelle gasped,

"There's no need to be rude," Tessa said,

"Rude?! What about this ignoramus imbecile declaring that I can't have something left to me by my own husband? Is that not rude as well?"

"Imbecile?! Look Bane, you may have been his husband, but I was his parabatai, his _brother_ ; that means more than a stupid gold ring."

The overflowing tension was unbearable, but Magnus wasn't letting this go. He and Jace stood opposite each other with only the coffee table separating them and both of them possessed stern enraged faces. The venomous words Jace had spat at Magnus were more than enough to wound him deeply, making him not cry but involuntarily create a strong wind that encircled them and that he wasn't fully aware of. The cushions were whisked off of the couch, Izzy's mug of coffee toppled over with the mug rolling onto the floor and Clary had to hold on tight to the couch to stay put.

"Magnus stop!" Izzy shouted,

"I don't think he can," Tessa realized.

Magnus could no longer hold in his anger and grief, "You may not realize this in your finite world, but Alexander means more to me than anything and anyone I have ever known. I know you're grieving, but you have the eventual release of death; you don't have to endure the rest of eternity without the one who holds your whole heart in their hands or without waking up to the smell of strong coffee in the morning. You don't have to live every day knowing you can never see the only person who can keep you going. I'd rather die than live that tormenting life, but unfortunately, I've been convicted to. So I apologise if I seem without reason for my words, but you'll see Alec again; I never will."

The wind that surrounded them now resembled a tornado with only Magnus being able to stay still. Lightning flashed in the boisterous barriers as Magnus spoke with rain heavily falling on them to mimic his tears. The cupboards of the kitchen blew wide open, pictures hanging on the walls and resting on shelves now lay on the floor, empty bottles of alcohol fell off of the counter and smashed into pieces and the only thing that stayed sturdy was the box of Alexander's stuff as Magnus wouldn't allow anything to happen to it. With every word he had said, he felt himself become weaker and weaker and what stopped the storm was him falling to the floor and passing out.

Soft hands were placed on Magnus's arm when he began to wake up and there was a blurred soft voice speaking to him. The last thing he remembered was feeling wind swirl around him, the image of the large box of Alec's things and the sound of people saying his name with worry. His eyes flickered open to find that he was lying on his bed with a mug of something spicy and fragrant steaming on his bedside table. He turned his head to the side slowly and he saw Tessa sitting by the bed with her head in one hand and the other on his arm and Catarina reading a large book behind her. Before he could alert them of his consciousness, Isabelle came in holding the phone.

"Jem's on the phone," she said quietly.

Tessa slowly lifted her head, reluctantly lifted her hand off of Magnus's arm and took the phone from Izzy.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Jem," Tessa began to cry as she left the room with Catarina following her.

Izzy took the seat by Magnus's side, stirred the liquid in the mug and ran her fingers up and down Magnus's arm and hand. There was so much sympathy, worry and sorrow in her face as if he had died and her touch was gentle and delicate so that she didn't damage him even more.

"Alec would hate you being like this," she whispered,

"Alec is no longer here," he replied with a monotonous voice.

She nodded in reply, picked up the mug and looked into it as tears fell down her cheek.

"I'm sorry," Magnus said as he sat up and took the mug from her,

"Mum constantly sits in Alec's room and refuses to let anyone else in, while dad turns the shower on every night just so we don't hear him cry. Jace hasn't slept properly in ages and he doesn't fight the way he used to. I don't eat properly anymore, I can barely be bothered to go out sometimes and Simon regularly has to be there at night to hold me when I cry. But we're all there for each other," she wiped away tears with the sleeve of her black top, "but I realize now that we haven't been there for you. I don't think any of us realized how much this would tear you apart especially as you were the only one there when-"

Magnus put the mug down and held Isabelle's hand. During the first days of Alec's death, Magnus had made sure to tell the Lightwood's that he'd be there for them and would help with anything they needed. On the day of the funeral, he talked with Jace to stop him from breaking down and searched for Isabelle when she left due to not being able to cope. Helping them was his way of distracting himself from his own feelings, but he could only keep it up for so long. He put his arm around Izzy as she cried and he attempted to stop his tears from joining her.

"I didn't even ask how it happened," she stuttered.

Telling anyone how Alec died was something Magnus had completely tried to avoid and he did so as the mentioning of it made him burst into tears. But Isabelle deserved to know how she lost her brother. Magnus ended up telling her what had happened with tears pouring from both of their eyes as he spoke. He thought telling her would make him feel better as a weight was lifted from his shoulders, but as he relived the moment when Alec died in his arms, he only felt worse and wished he had stayed asleep.

"I should've had enough strength to heal him and he should be here, but-"

"It wasn't your fault," Isabelle's words would never sink in,

"I don't know how I'm going to do anything without him."

Tessa walked in slowly with Jem behind her. She sat on the bed next to him and pulled him into her with Jem rubbing his back and telling him everything would be okay. Magnus wished he could believe Jem, but his faith in everything being okay faded the day he had to say goodbye to his husband.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Though they planned on staying the night, Tessa and Jem were convinced by Magnus to go out for a romantic evening. This gave Magnus privacy so he could drown his sorrows in as much wine and vodka as possible, however while sitting on the couch in just his boxers and dressing gown, he realized that the bottle of red wine he had glugged down was the last one. He threw the bottle at the wall and watched the little remains of the dark red liquid trickle down. His last resort was to take a shower, put on his leather pants, a dashing silk shirt and a sparkling blazer and head to a bar.

The bar he had chosen had a vibrant atmosphere with the name 'Krystal's' written in multicoloured light bulbs. Blue velvet rope kept the entrance to the bar and the glass tables and seats outside separate from the pedestrians and the rest of the street. A crowd of young women had formed by the door with one of them throwing up and the others trying to be sympathetic as they sipped their martinis and sat down. One of the young bouncers took the opportunity to sweet talk one of the women in a black dress that was two sizes too small, while the other bouncer dealt with the ones who had obviously had too much to drink. As Magnus strolled into the bar, he felt himself being followed and when he sat down at the counter, his follower sat next to him. It was a vampire with curly black locks, emerald eyes, cheeks that were chiselled so finely that it looked like he was sucking them in and he wore a sharp black suit with gems rimming the seam. In the corner of his eye, Magnus noticed the vampire study his every move and when he called over the bartender, he whispered something in his ear which resulted in Magnus getting a free blue and red cocktail with a blue flame coming off it.

"Thank you," Magnus smiled weakly,

"You're very welcome," the vampire grinned with his canines showing and then sipped his own drink.

Magnus took a gulp of the fizzy liquid which danced on his tongue and bombarded his mouth with the sensation of something fruity, fresh and tangy. As the liquid slipped down his throat, the vampire moved his seat closer and gazed at him.

"My name is Christian," he smiled,

"Splendid to meet you, I'm Magnus," he replied before finishing the drink,

"Oh, I know who you are," Christian clicked for another drink to be sent over which Magnus requested to have an extra shot of vodka added to.

The drink did its job at making Magnus tipsy after four glasses and Christian was making sure to take advantage of his state. As they talked more and more, Christian would occasionally put his hand on Magnus's thigh, which at first irritated him, but the drink seemed to make him not mind it. Eventually Christian led him up the crystal glass stairs to the VIP area of the bar. The area was sectioned with two blue velvet couches, a glass table with a bottle of champagne and snacks on it and a divider on either side. The area looked out onto the dance floor where Magnus could slightly see the bar and the amount of empty glasses he had left behind. When he sat down, Christian was pouring him a glass of champagne and after giving it to him, he put his arm behind him and moved so close that Magnus could've heard him breathing, if he was alive that was. Magnus wasn't sure if their conversations were even making sense, but they were laughing so much that it didn't matter. Now and then, Christian would slide closer and stroke Magnus's cheek and gaze at him as if he were a piece of art which he didn't blame him for. After two glasses of champagne, Christian stroked Magnus's hand before holding it and leading him down onto the dance floor. The amount of people meant Magnus had a confined space to move in, but he had enough space to jump and move his arms about. The mixture of the drinks and the music made Magnus almost forget what he came to the bar for; that was until Christian grabbed him by the waist and kissed him. His kiss felt rough, his lips were hard and cold and nowhere near as soft as Alec's. Magnus pushed him away with his magic, making Christian fly through the crowd and into the mirror on the wall. His lips felt tainted as he realized that he could never kiss Alec again and no one else's lips would ever fit with his. He could feel people staring him as a tidal wave of misery submerged him, he started to feel nauseous, his body temperature rose and the room started to slowly spin.

Before anyone could approach him, he evacuated the building and staggered into the first taxi he saw. Once he closed the door and said his address with a trebling voice, he let everything go. Tears rushed down his cheeks like a silent river and he made a noise that sounded like he was in pure agony as he yearned for Alec to come back. His whole body was shaking, breathing was becoming harder and harder to do and his head began to pound. When the taxi stopped, he stumbled out of the car, threw the money at the driver and ran inside. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't even function properly without Alec. He was becoming a burden, he was convinced that his own children were better off without him and he broke almost everything he touched. Anything in his way as he made his way to his room was instantly kicked or blown to pieces and he searched for the one book that would help. He placed the Book of the White on his bed along with a full bottle of strong sleeping pills and locked his bedroom door. The bookmark was already placed on the page that held the exact spell that would be his release. As he read over the spell, he heard the front door open.

"Magnus! Magnus where are you?" Tessa yelled,

"Just go away!" Magnus shouted,

"We're not leaving, Magnus," Jem insisted as he banged against the door,

"I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of feeling nothing but heartache and despair, I'm tired of him not being here, I'm tired of being tired," Magnus cried as he threw off his blazer, "I'm tired of living."

His hands shook as he prepared to cast the spell that would rid him of his immortality and once he was done, he'd take down all the pills he could possibly swallow. He had had enough. The alcohol wasn't clouding his judgement; he had been thinking about this moment in an unbearable loop and the only way out of the torture was this. If Alec wouldn't come back, Magnus would go to Alec.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Magnus was keeping the door locked with as little magic as possible so that he could summon enough energy to perform the spell. He inhaled, closed his eyes and began to say the words. At first he started to feel pain and became lost in the memories that his immortality had granted him, but abruptly, he heard the door crash open and felt Jem's arms around him. Tessa took the book and began to chant quicker that Magnus was. He felt his magic stop and when he opened his eyes, the book was closed.

"Get off of me," Magus yelled as he pushed Jem off.

He summoned the sharpest knife in his kitchen and plunged it into his stomach as deep as it would go, waiting for death to greet him as the blood poured. Instead, he felt all the fibres of his stomach knit back together and the pain of the knife vanished. Magnus threw the knife at the wall and fell to the floor with tears as his only comfort.

"I'm sorry Magnus," Tessa said softly,

"No you're not. If you were sorry you'd let me die. All I want is Alexander, that's all I want," he rocked back and forth as he pulled at his shirt.

Nothing felt right. The air was too thick, the apartment smelled off, the room was too bright, there was a bitter taste in his mouth and the clothes on his body were too tight. He was completely sapped of energy and his head began to spin as Jem knelt down in front of him and looked into his eyes.

"Magnus, Alec wouldn't want to see you like this and neither do we," Jem's voice became delicate,

"What about what I want?" Magnus replied as he attempted to get up.

Jem caught him before he had the chance to collapse down to the floor and put him on the bed. The last thing Magnus saw before his vision completely blurred and he fell unconscious, was a pale and frightened Tessa.

Magnus was walking through a deserted, forsaken and opaque graveyard with a suffocating fog taking hold of it and making him lose sight of his own shadow. The graves only became visible when he stood next to them, but most of them had been devoured by dark vines and toxic moss with the fog dancing around them. His ears were barren; as was his mind while he wandered through the never ending field of death. The spindly branches of the lifeless trees created a canopy of entwining black rigid snakes above him, the cold was constantly biting at him and gave him almost painful goosebumps and he could feel his bare feet crushing skin piercing leaves, but they made not one sound. He soon saw a dark shadow amongst the malevolent fog. Once he recognised the figure's hair, his shoulders, his hands and the way he stood, he realized he was dreaming. Rain began to slice through the fog, yet it did not retreat and there was still no sound to fill the emptiness. Agony surged through his body as blood coated his feet, but he was determined to reach Alec at all costs. The close to impenetrable fog pushed against Magnus as he got closer and closer. After what felt like days of struggling through the vast vapour, he stood in front of a large grave. The angel that graced the gravestone had large wings of pure white that spread over the horizon, its eyes were an enticing blue and instead of being made of stone like the rest on the grave, it was made of marble. Alec stood staring up at it with a tear rolling down his cheek. His skin was the same colour as the marble and shone though there was no light to even graze his cheek. Magnus attempted to speak, but all that came out of his mouth was the soft sound of him exhaling that echoed as the cloud from his mouth joined the fog. Alexander looked him in the eyes as he uttered Magnus's name and reached out to him. Before their fingertips could touch, the wings of the angel pulled Alec in and once the wings stretched open again, Alec was gone. Magnus fell to his knees in front of the grave as the vines and moss coiled away from the stone grave to reveal Alec's name in gold.

Magnus wasn't surprised to wake up with tears already creeping down his cheek and he felt himself shake as he sat up in bed. He punched the bed, the headboard and hit his head over and over again to get the image of Alec dying in his arms out of his mind, but it seemed that it was his brains tattoo and he allowed his entire self to break down as he curled up into a ball on the bed.

"Please stop, Magnus," a familiar voice begged.

Magnus froze. His nails dug into his arms as he sat up and looked to Alec's side of the bed. It was him. His hair was as dark as before, his eyes as heart melting as before, his jaw as sharp as before, everything about him as perfect as before. Though he wanted to, Magnus became afraid of touching him and became tentative as he moved closer.

"Alexander, you you you," Magnus stuttered,

"I need you to stop beating yourself up," Alec said as he placed his hand on Magnus's.

Alec's touch was gentle and caused Magnus to lose focus as the subtle scent of apples radiated off of him. He couldn't believe what he was seeing and feeling, but there was no other explanation than that Alec had come home. He ran his fingers up Alec's arm, up his neck and along his cheek with Alec closing his eyes, smiling and kissing his hand.

"Why didn't you come back earlier?" Magnus sighed,

"I couldn't, but I'm here now," Alec wove his fingers in between Magnus's,

"It's getting so hard, Alexander, I don't think I can do this anymore. I can't function without you here,"

"I'm always here, you just never bothered to look," Alec brushed his thumb over Magnus's wedding ring.

Every emotion Magnus was feeling became overpowered by pure joy at the sight of Alec and the sensation of his hand on his. When he kissed him, Magnus felt his heart race uncontrollably, but when their lips parted, he saw sympathy and worry lingering in his blue eyes. It was a look that he was used to other people showing him, but not Alec. He watched him get up slowly, walk around the room and kick the pile of empty wine bottles by the door. Alec's expression said it all. It quickly came to light how much of a shipwreck he had become and the fact that Alec was now officially there to witness the ship sinking made Magnus feel ashamed. He knew he should've listened to everyone else and accepted their help, but his mind was a tornado and nothing could take the grief away from the eye of the storm, nothing but Alec.

"You can't stay like this Magnus; our children need you," Alec stood by the door,

"But I need you. It's like a part of me is missing and I might as well be dead without it," Magnus walked over to him and cherished his hand in his,

"I know we both fantasized about us staying together forever and I honestly thought that I'd see the day where you'd be pushing me in a wheelchair while I tried to remember a time when I didn't have grey hair. As much as we both wish that was still possible, you need to accept that it's not. You promised me that you'd live life exactly the same once I left your side, don't break those vows now."

Tears slid down his cheek as he recited his vows. He had made many promises to Alec and all of them he was able to keep, but to be able to live without him as if nothing happened seemed impossible. How was he meant to take Rafael to the institute and train with him? How was he meant to be the fun one and the strict one at the same time? How was he meant to spend Valentine's Day, Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries? This was all too much for Magnus to go through without Alec.

"Promise me you'll keep your promises," Alec stroked his cheek,

"You expect me to just forget that anything ever happened and move on without you?" Magnus cried,

"No, I expect you to remember me and to stop this cycle of destruction that you've created. Be the Magnus Bane I fell in love with."

Tears began to fall from Alexander's eyes like a leaking clear blue pool. Magnus kissed him, savouring the taste and feeling of the delicate velvety lips that would soon part with his and in a desperate plea for him to not leave, he wrapped his arms tightly around him and let his head fill up with memories of the two of them together. The last time he had to say goodbye, they were in a dead-end alley and Alec was in Magnus's arms with his blood camouflaging his hands. This time, though they would be mutually saying goodbye to each other and it would be in the comfort of their bedroom, the words were still just as painful to think of, let alone utter. Magnus had never been prepared for this moment.

"I love you Magnus Bane," Alec's voice trembled,

"I'm always going to love you Alexander Lightwood," Magnus wept as he finally summoned the strength to unclasp his hands and let go of Alec.

Their eyes remained locked on each other as Alec opened the door and left the room. Magnus couldn't bear to watch the door close and instead closed his eyes with his body shuddering once he heard it. In the silence, he felt his heart beat slower and the tears fall from his cheek and attempt to reach his neck before he wiped them away. It was rare for anyone to get a second chance at saying goodbye, but Magnus wanted another. Hastily, he grabbed the handle and threw the door open. His heart sank as he saw an empty living room and Tessa sitting on the kitchen counter mixing something in a bowl while she sang to herself. As he staggered back into his room, his shaking hand touched his lips and he smiled with the reoccurring sensation of Alec's lips touching his. Breathing became easier, he suddenly wanted to do something other than drink and sleep and he drew back the curtains even though it was still dark. He had made a promise to Alec and he was determined to keep it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

It took Magnus an hour to make sure that the whole apartment was back to how it should be. Bottles after bottles of wine, vodka and even stronger things were thrown away with the sound of the glass breaking creating a grin and sense of pride in him. He then dusted every single room himself, as cleaning like a mundane sent a rush through him, however he used magic to make sure everything was in its place, because he couldn't do _everything_ himself. The only place he didn't have to touch was the kitchen; Tessa had made very sure that it was constantly stocked with food and kept clean mainly for her benefit. As he put a duster that he didn't realize he had away in the cupboard, Tessa watched him with curiosity. Her hair was in a bun which meant she had either been cooking, brewing up a potion or cleaning, but Magnus wasn't bothered about finding out which one it was. He needed her to bring his children home. Max and Rafael's room was the thing he had spent the most time on. First he changed all their bedding, then he found them new toys and new clothes, made sure that they had pictures of Alec by their beds and finally got rid of the suffocating stench of loss.

"Are you sure you're ready? I mean, it was just over a couple of hours ago when you were begging for death," Tessa spoke worryingly,

"I need them here; I miss them and I just need things to go back to normal as soon as possible," Magnus smiled,

"That's all well and good, but it's too soon to just go straight back to normal,"

"Then, we'll go on holiday and Catarina will help me," Magnus took Tessa's hands, "I know that it seems like I'm trying to go from rock bottom to sky high, but I know now that I can go on without Alec. You can stay here to make sure everything's going okay if you want, but I _need_ to be sure that I can do this on my _own_."

Tessa's face that was once full of anxiety turned quickly into a beaming smile, before she wrapped her arms around Magnus and squeezed him to the point where she could've easily suffocated him. It seemed like it had been decades since Tessa had given him a hug that wasn't accompanied by tears or the words 'it will be okay'. He gripped her with just as much joy and strength and took in her pleasant scent of lady grey tea and apples that he had smelled before, but he couldn't remember where. When he let her go, he began to laugh at how one last visit from Alec had made him go from depressed to ecstatic. Alexander was the only medicine he needed.

"You tell Jem to bring the boys home, I'm going to get changed," Magnus smiled as he thought of the one thing he wanted to wear,

"Sure thing," Tessa giggled as she dialled, "But, what's brought all this on?"

How he was going to tell Tessa that Alec had risen from the dead, helped him see the light and had even kissed him was something Magnus hadn't quite figured out yet. He was sure that she wouldn't believe him, but then again, they did live in a world where almost anything was possible. Either way, he felt a need to tell someone.

"Are you being serious?" after his very detailed recall of events, Tessa was left with a face of amusement mixed with confusion, "I mean, it would make sense if you were hallucinating or dreaming,"

"I'm being _very_ serious."

Tessa looked at him in silence for a while. He'd understand if she didn't believe him; even _he_ knew he sounded crazy, but he would never make up something so magical and life changing.

She shook her head as she laughed and put the phone to her ear, "I believe you, my love and if this stops your little cycle of destruction, then I'm glad it happened."

He grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a massive kiss before jumping into the shower and changing into Alec's grey t-shirt and a pair of jeans.

"They'll be here in fifteen minutes," Tessa chimed.

Magnus decided to go over everything again and make sure that he had cleaned the way Alec would- well, apart from cleaning the toilet; magic could handle that. He had ordered pizza for Max and Mexican food for Rafael, a leaning tower of Disney films were ready and waiting to be watched repeatedly and by the door, the boys' slippers were prepared to be stepped into. As he scanned the room for any imperfections, he could see Tessa in the corner of his eye, sitting on the kitchen counter and swinging her legs like a hyper school girl with a proud- bordering smug- look gracing her lit up face. He stopped and stared at her with intense curiosity.

"What's got you in such a pleasant mood?" he enquired as he moved towards her,

"Oh," she became surprised that he had noticed, "I'm just happy that you're happy,"

"Well, you look beyond happy. You're almost acting the same way you did when you came back from your honeymoon,"

"Yeah, that was an eventful week and a half."

The interrogation of why Tessa was so proud and ecstatic was about to begin when the door was pushed open and two nattering boys strolled into the apartment.

"It's my hat," Rafael insisted,

"No, it's mine because I found it," Max argued,

"Well, I picked it up,"

"I wore it first."

Rafael began to argue in Spanish as he snatched a black fedora from Max's dainty hands and left him perplexed with his foreign words. As predicted, the sensitive Max began to cry while Rafael merrily put the hat on. Magnus knelt down in front of them, took the hat from Rafael and put his arms around Max. If Alec was there, he'd tell Rafael off and force them to share whether they liked it or not, but Magnus wasn't sure if he could replicate the same amount of discipline. This was his first test.

"You do not snatch," he spoke sternly as he looked at Rafe,

"But I wanted it," Rafael complained,

"You're not two years old, Rafael Santiago Lightwood-Bane, so don't act like it. You share, or you don't get the fedora."

Rafael looked down- the exact way he would after Alec had told him off. Magnus lifted Max's head and placed the fedora on him with his horns punching holes through it so it became the perfect fit.

"Thank you, Papa," Max giggled as he hugged him.

Though he was glad that he could discipline his children the way Alexander would, the miserable look on Rafael's face was something he couldn't bare looking at. He put his hand behind his back, snapped his fingers and covered Rafael's eyes. The gasp and smile that appeared on his son's face when he place a black fedora on his head made Magnus's heart jump about- a feeling he had missed.

"Don't act like that again," Magnus instructed as he stood up.

Rafael nodded before he and Max gazed at their perfect home with their faces glowing when their eyes landed on the takeaways on the counter and they started jumping and clapping when they saw the stack of Disney DVD's. Those exact actions and expressions were all Magnus ever wanted to see and it filled him to the brim with joy that he could still create them even if his husband wasn't by his side. The boys looked up at him with glittering eyes.

"Put your stuff in your bedroom and wash your hands, then you can eat."

They began to run towards their bedroom with their bags hitting their legs and their hats bouncing up and down, but Magnus threw a blue ring of magic over them, stopping them in their tracks.

"What's the first thing dad would want you to do?" Magnus asked.

Once they were released, the boys scuttled over to the door, kicked their shoes off and slid their slippers on as quickly as possible.

Tessa dished up the boys' dinner while Magnus and Jem watched them fight over which movie to watch first. Witnessing them bicker had become more entertaining than any reality TV show and Magnus had bet Jem $100 that Max would win this one.

"Max, we'll watch that one next," Jem attempted to be sneaky,

"Oh no, you remain silent, brother," Magnus joked,

"You must get tired of that by now."

Magnus shook his head as they went back to watching the two boys argue which popcorn was most appropriate for. When Tessa put the plates of food on the table, the boys went silent for a brief second as they inspected their food, made sure there was the correct number of spring rolls and the perfect amount of ketchup, before swiftly going back to their argument as if the food wasn't even there.

"We are watching The Emperor's New Groove," Rafael repeated.

It seemed like Max was about to be defeated. His eyes began to glow a bright blue as he looked up and mouthed words as if talking to someone. There was silence as everyone watched him in confusion and his eyes returned to their normal state.

"Dad says that he wants to watch Lilo and Stitch first," Max innocently spoke and he looked at his rival.

Without saying a word, Rafael took the Lilo and Stitch DVD from his brother and reluctantly put it in the DVD player while Magnus high-fived Max as $100 was put in his hand.

The five of them sat on cushions around the coffee table, stuffing their faces while watching the movie. Max would occasionally steal food from Jem's plate who would then get himself some more just to have it stolen again, despite being neat in every other aspect of life, Rafael ended up with a quarter of his extra spicy rice on his lap and the floor which he blamed gravity for and though he was enjoying his food, Magnus was slightly put off by the weird concoction next to him on Tessa's plate (sweet and sour chicken, mustard, coleslaw and pickles)- which he excused with the reason of cravings. Half way through the meal, Max sneakily flicked food onto Rafael's face which he retaliated to by throwing some beans at him.

"Don't you dare start a food fight," Magnus spoke with a hard voice.

The boys gazed at him with a reasonable amount of fear in their eyes, before nodding and going back to politely eating their food. Magnus smiled as he took a spoonful of salsa and beans.

"It's my job to start them," he declared as he catapulted the food at Max.

The fact that he had spent time cleaning the whole living room didn't matter to him as chilli sauce splashed onto his face and he dodged a piece of broccoli. This was what he wanted, the ability to live without Alec, but knowing that he'd always be there- in family photos, in their children, in his heart. As Magnus tickled Max and he watched Tessa and Jem smear ketchup on Rafael's face, he realized that though he had lost Alec, he still had a family.


End file.
